Ursula discovered it laborious to cover her disbelief and glee at Deer Keer’s cave-in: QUENTIN LETTS watches the Brussels big-shots swaggering round London

Standing between two Brussels grand-fromages, Sir Keir Starmer may have been an escapee returned to the gaolers.

To make it much more galling, the scene used to be on supposedly sovereign soil. The Brussels huge pictures had swaggered into London and nabbed their guy.

Ursula von der Leyen, twinkly in her triumph, saved calling him ‘deer Keer’ and widened her taut little jaw. It is the jaw of a cat. Good for killing unsuspecting warblers.

On Sir Keir’s different aspect used to be a burly Portuguese socialist, Antonio Costa, it seems that president of the European Council. One of the blessed issues about Brexit used to be that we not had to care who such Eurocrats had been. Now Labour has thrown us again into the political food-mixer from Hell.

They arrived by way of Audi, to be met on the doorways of Lancaster House by way of Sir Keir who waited on my own on a backyard of purple carpet. The construction’s honey-stoned facade have been coated in funereal hoardings that stated ‘UK-EU Summit 2025′. There is to be such a annually to any extent further. More cash spent on politicians’ vainness. More foot-steps within the glue.

‘Summit’ used to be a glorified noun for an hour’s assembly adopted by way of a press convention, then lunch aboard the frigate Sutherland, moored within the Pool of London. The Royal Navy as soon as fired broadsides when overseas marauders invaded our waters. Now ward-room matelots had been ready on them, silver-service. ‘Who’s having the fish?’ The Brussels duo: ‘We are.’ Press photographers had been allowed to snap the principle avid gamers originally in their assembly.

David Lammy rubbed his thumbs in combination, having a look ecstatic. Nick Thomas-Symonds, minister i/c give up agreements, used to be given a unprecedented invitation to take a seat on the most sensible desk. He spent the time nodding. Mr Lammy, on arrival outdoor, have been accompanied by way of his food-taster (and ministerial colleague) Stephen Doughty. You can consider a tuba’s parp with every stride Brother Doughty takes.

At the beginning of the click convention Sir Keir invited Senhor Costa to talk. This used to be a choice – one of the, most likely – that he would come to rue. ‘For us ees nice excitement to be ear,’ started o presidente. ‘We are ear now not to speak about our shelled values.’ And to speak about them at period. Minutes handed. The room stilled, as though for a siesta.

Sir Keir used to be loving it. ur PM licked his lips and blinked with delight. He did that Bill Nighy factor of pursing his mouth.

Ursula von der Leyen, twinkly in her triumph, saved calling him ‘deer Keer’ and widened her taut little jaw. It is the jaw of a cat. 

European Council President Antonio Costa, British Prime Minister Keir Starmer and European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen arrive for a seek advice from aboard the British Royal Navy’s HMS Sutherland

But Sir Keir used to be loving it. As outdated Costa Living droned on about having felt ‘a brand new sure power’ from Sir Keir at some assembly in February, our PM licked his lips and blinked with delight. He did that Bill Nighy factor of pursing his mouth. What a dork he seemed. He even tilted a couple of levels against the Portuguese Man O’Bore, however possibly he used to be simply discovering it laborious to stick unsleeping as had been the remainder of the room.

‘We each consider in unfastened industry,’ endured Costa Lot. This used to be controversial, for it used to be gratuitous EU bureaucratic tangles on unfastened industry that blackmailed Sir Keir into his capitulation. ‘Your management has been instrumental,’ added Portugal’s greatest. This, no less than, used to be true. No one else however the nasal knight would have swallowed the sort of unhealthy prawn as this deal.

Frau von der Leyen, palpably relieved when Costa in spite of everything close up, started by way of announcing ‘my deer Keer, this is a good fortune – the very good consequence now we have!’ She used to be discovering it laborious to cover her glee and disbelief at London’s cave-in. Sir Keir bit at the within his proper cheek and hopped from one sole to the opposite. Jittery in entrance of his new boss? When he reached within his jacket to retrieve a slip of paper he made his microphone crunch.

When it used to be his flip to talk he claimed ‘Britain is again at the global degree’. Britain has been crammed again at the back of bars, extra like, right here within the particular person of its air pocket of a premier. Not that Sir Keir himself ever escaped. He used to be arguably at the EU’s aspect all alongside. The returned captive in his nation. Freedom’s frolic is completed. Lock the doorways. Clank.