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Today’s version of Here We Go Looby Loo comes from a jail at the Isle of Portland, in Dorset, the place, um, you’re going to must endure with me in this . . .
What follows is some other a type of tales I believed I’d by no means learn, let by myself write. But right here is going. From His Majesty’s Daily Telegraph, the previous day. And I quote:
‘A female prison officer smuggled a Calpol syringe into the jail to “artificially inseminate” herself with an inmate’s sperm.
‘Cherri-Ann Austin-Saddington, 29, had a six-month relationship with Bradley Trengrove while working as a warden at HMP The Verne, on the Isle of Portland, in Dorset.
‘They had sex up to 40 times, often in prison workshops while nobody was around, and the mother-of-three even became pregnant before losing the baby.
‘After the inmate was moved to another prison, she visited him with an empty Calpol syringe in her bra so she could artificially inseminate herself with his sperm which he had wrapped in clingfilm for her.’
(I’m sorry, I’ll simply learn that once more. It will get even funnier, or extra sinister, relying to your perspective. Calpol used to be what we used to provide the children once they had toothache.)
Cherri-Ann Austin-Saddington, 29, had a six-month dating with a convicted rapist whilst running as a warden at HMP The Verne in Dorset
‘Bournemouth Crown Court was told that she started working as a prison officer at Verne Prison in July 2019. Her probation period was extended because she was suspected of having an inappropriate relationship with two prisoners, the court was told.
‘In January 2022, Trengrove, who was serving a 13-year extended jail sentence for raping a woman and having sexual activity with a child, was transferred to the prison. He entered a relationship with Austin-Saddington in August of that year. During the affair, she smuggled a mobile phone into the Category C prison for him and saved his name in her phone under “husband to be”.
‘Robert Bryan, for the prosecution, read out messages she sent to Trengrove stating he was “the one”, her “reason for living”, and that she would love him “until my last breath”.’
Stop it!
There’s extra, stand on me. After Lover Boy used to be transferred to some other nick: ‘She visited him under a false name. During a pat down, search officers found she was not wearing any underwear and had the empty syringe in her bra.’
Who mentioned romance is useless?
The plea of mitigation put ahead by means of her temporary is hilarious. Cherri-Ann’s recommend, Emily Cook – who appears like a useless ringer for Mr Rumpole’s Leftie protege Miz Liz Probert – mentioned her shopper took complete duty for the affair. ‘You are not sentencing the woman who committed these offences, she’s an overly other girl now.’
Miz Liz argued that her shopper must no longer be jailed as a result of she have been left wheelchair-bound having suffered a fall following her crimes, like Andy in Little Britain.
Yeah, I do know.
She mentioned: ‘You can see from the messaging, they formed a very intense and infatuated relationship. She is very ashamed and upset.’
At this level, it’s almost definitely value going again to the start as a result of even I couldn’t make it up.
They had intercourse as much as 40 occasions, frequently in jail workshops, and the mother-of-three even turned into pregnant earlier than shedding the child
Bradley Trengrove used to be serving 13 years for raping a girl and having sexual job with a kid
What used to be she doing running in a males’s nick within the first position? She appears to be like extra like Kim Kardashian than Chief Officer ‘Sour’ Crout, performed by means of Lionel Jeffries, from the fantastic British jail comedy, Two Way Stretch
Looby Loo were given off with a suspended – must that be ‘suspenders’? – sentence. I best ask for the reason that tale is illustrated with an image of her spreadeagled in fishnet stockings, like Legs Akimbo – the well-known Nigerian gangster.
As my mum used to mention: it’s worthwhile to see subsequent week’s washing.
Frankly, I haven’t were given a clue the place to begin in this one. Barely per week is going by means of with out some other tale about some dopey hen being given a task in a male jail, just for a Carry On Up The Scrubs vid of her obliging an inmate being posted on social media.
(Maybe that’s the place the expression ‘scrubber’ got here from.)
What used to be the serially hyphenated Cherri-Ann Austin-Saddington doing running in a males’s nick within the first position? We’re no longer speaking Mr Mackay from Porridge right here.
She appears to be like extra like Kim Kardashian than Chief Officer ‘Sour’ Crout, performed by means of Lionel Jeffries, from the fantastic British jail comedy, Two Way Stretch.
None of the nonsense trotted out in her defence bears scrutiny. Her, er, generosity together with her affections used to be widely recognized to the jail government. The court docket heard that her probation duration used to be prolonged as a result of she used to be suspected of getting it off with two prisoners. So why must we imagine her when she claims that Trengrove used to be ‘the one’? I’m wondering what turned into of the opposite one.
Even if he used to be, since when has it been a part of the activity description to have a sexual dating with one of the crucial inmates, particularly anyone convicted of raping a girl and having sexual job with a kid?
More to the purpose, why wasn’t she sacked at the spot when it used to be found out she had taken the activity as a ‘screw’ to its logical conclusion, no longer as soon as however two times?
Hey, Cherri-Ann, what’s your sport now, can anyone play?
Apparently, sure.
Yet once more, this absurd case exposes the insanity of the legal justice gadget, in thrall to the ‘equality’ schedule.
Call me out of date, however ladies warders must by no means be put in command of male prisoners – any longer than girl sailors must be shacked up with matelots on submarines for months on finish. It’s human nature.
Birds do it, bees do it, even birds who paintings as screws do it . . .
Who the hell concept it used to be a good suggestion to show the nick at the Isle of Portland into Love Island?
Here we move Looby Loo . . .
I’m thankful to my colleague Dan Hodges for letting me know that the rustic is now being run by means of some bloke referred to as McSweeney, who nobody with the exception of the Boys In The Bubble has ever heard of. I at all times concept McSweeney used to be Jocko slang for Taggart.
Starmer trades sausages for fish, so we’re advised, as a part of his give up ‘reset’ with the EU. Selling out British fishermen is the associated fee we’re going to pay for Brussels generously permitting us to promote sausages in Europe.
The alleged ‘sausage war’ has up till now handed me by means of – and I’m sufficiently old to bear in mind the Cod War within the Seventies. Whatever came about to Captain Kirk?
I hadn’t been conscious that Europeans have been gagging for our sausages however have been denied that excitement as a result of we have been refusing to let the French Hoover up our fish shares.
How many sausages can we promote sur le Continent? Not many, I’d believe. The Germans have were given their bratwurst, the Poles their kielbasa, the Spanish their chorizo.
As for the French, a pal of mine as soon as tackled a highly spiced barbequed saussicon in Brittany and pronounced it a ‘well out of order sausage’ earlier than achieving for le Beaujolais and a gallon of Evian.
Still, bangers and mash are again at the menu within the EU quickly. Meanwhile, because of Labour, if you need a British fishy on just a little dishy, disregard it.
Dance in your daddy, sing in your mammy, you’ll’t have a haddock, for the reason that boat’s been burned.
Maybe Surkier has been staring at the vintage Minder ‘old clothes for fish’ episode.
If he does his give up handle the EU, he’s going to should be strung up by means of the Cumberlands.
I’m thankful to my colleague Dan Hodges for letting me know that the rustic is now being run by means of some bloke referred to as McSweeney, who nobody with the exception of the Boys In The Bubble has ever heard of. I at all times concept McSweeney used to be Jocko slang for Taggart.
