JANA HOCKING: The humiliating textual content message that made me understand we ladies will have to prevent a deadly new intercourse addiction

I used to be just lately taking an exquisite stroll within the park with my canine – basking within the solar, sipping a espresso – when my bliss was once all at once shattered by means of the ping of a right away message.

‘Hi Jana, my call is [redacted]… Do you occur to understand this guy on a non-public stage?’

‘Ugh,’ I assumed, ‘right here we cross once more.’

It’s an occupational danger of being a intercourse columnist.

Then, the virtual interloper dropped the hammer, sending me a hyperlink to a good-looking bloke’s Instagram account.

Glup. Yeah, I knew him.

We’d met over a decade in the past when I had moved to Newcastle, Australia, for paintings. He was once a well known trainer for a neighborhood wearing workforce and I booked him on a radio display that I used to be generating.

Well, we get on well and began courting. What I did not know on the time was once that he already had a female friend… in a foreign country. And after she grew to become up unannounced for a ‘wonder seek advice from,’ I let him have it with each barrels, gave him the boot and have not idea in regards to the pig ever since.

So, you’ll consider how jarring it was once to obtain a humiliatingly non-public message about him ten years later.

I wrote again, an admittedly defensive, ‘Why?’

Then this social media stranger broke my center.

‘It’s a protracted tale,’ she wrote, ‘however I’ve simply discovered he is been dishonest on me for 4 years (even sooner than we were given married), and, again in 2021, I discovered he was once liking your photos of you in underwear, and so on. So now I’m wondering the whole thing, as you’ll consider.’

The underwear % that she was once regarding was once a sultry snap I’d posted as a part of a emblem maintain a good looking female-owned label. I hadn’t even spotted he’d preferred it as a result of I do not practice him. But obviously, within the ten years since I’d identified him, he hadn’t modified one bit.

Still a scumbag.

She endured: ‘He claimed he knew you, that is why he was once liking your footage. Hence, I’m asking if him.’

Oof. I responded, feeling slightly wounded by means of the revelations, ‘I met him once I labored in Newcastle over 10 years in the past and have not noticed him since. Sorry I will’t lend a hand.’

‘Ok no drawback, thanks!’ she responded, graciously. And similar to that, my non violent morning was once hijacked by means of a guilt bomb wrapped in red ribbon and I used to be stung by means of the exploding disgrace shrapnel.

Of route, I knew that I hadn’t carried out anything else flawed – I dated the person a decade in the past – however it is exhausting to not really feel an inkling of regret when a regretful dating is thrown again to your face.

And it wasn’t the one impolite reminder that I’d just lately gained. Another ‘Hey girlie’ message got here from a cheated female friend doing what can simplest be described as a virtual audit of her allegedly reformed ‘participant’ boyfriend. Again, it was once well mannered, respectful – and the sender was once, once more, reputedly one Instagram ‘like’ clear of a whole emotional unravelling.

Look, I am getting it. Social media has grew to become us girls into part-time detectives, inspecting ‘likes,’ ‘follows,’ and ‘timestamps’ like we are auditioning for CSI: Heartbreak Hotel.

On TikTook, there are whole compilations of ‘Hey girlie’ messages – some finishing in cohesion, others in screenshotted scandals, crew chat meltdowns and superb chaos.

It makes for excellent late-night studying (from between the palms of a hand pressed firmly in your face). 

My (maximum/least) favourite instance is from a chum who responded to a ‘Hey girlie’ message head-on, writing: ‘Yup. I slept along with your guy. He’s a creep. Good success’ 

The blowout was once wild. And that Lady Sherlock Holmes booted her Professor Moriarty out the door so speedy that his ego continues to be tumbling down the road. And excellent for her. 

But permit me a pause to acknowledge the unwitting 3rd wheels right here.

For the recipient of the ‘Hey girlie’ textual content, this all appears like the trendy lady’s identical of storming the fort – with a well mannered knock at the drawbridge first.

It’s pleasant. It’s sisterly. But make no mistake: you might be beneath siege. Your historical past beneath a microscope. And that isn’t in reality honest.

Honestly? If you might be in a dating and you are feeling the urge to grow to be a full-time detective… the case may already be closed.

We ladies possess a finely tuned instinct and – annoyingly – it is infrequently flawed. How again and again have you ever heard a chum say, ‘I all the time suspected he was once dishonest!’, instantly after uncovering the exhausting proof they have been on the lookout for?

On TikTook, there are whole compilations of ‘Hey girlie’ messages – some finishing in cohesion, others in screenshotted scandals, crew chat meltdowns, and superb chaos (image posed by means of style)

Trust your intestine, girls!

Which brings us to a significant query: Are those ‘Hey girlie’ messages empowering or simply simple harmful?

On the only hand, they are a refreshingly direct means for ladies to speak to one another. No bitchiness. No name-calling. Just: ‘Help a sister out.’

But at the different, why do those betrayed chicks suppose that some other lady owes them anything else?

Most people are simply out right here looking to publish a adorable thirst entice, now not snag your guy. But now we are being dragged into your afflicted dating like an unpaid (unqualified) therapist.

So, what is the answer? Short of banning DMs altogether (do not tempt me), I say that if you are going to ship a ‘Hey girlie’ message, do it with kindness and readability. But maximum of all, direct your power towards the dirtbag who is inflicting the drama, now not the lady who stuck his eye.

To the gals in the market sending those DMs: I think for you.

To the ladies receiving them: You’re now not on my own.

And to the person liking underwear pics in the back of his spouse’s again? Your virtual footprint is appearing, bro. Clean it up.